clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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