ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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