We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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