sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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