its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
