how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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