How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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