Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
