can u get pink eye on your cock?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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