going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
