Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
