Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
