erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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