I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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