I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
