Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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