She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
