I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
