I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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