is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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