Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
