im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
