dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And then my night got REAL pukey
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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