but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
