i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
