dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
