she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
