He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
