I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize