Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
