You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
