And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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