i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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