i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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