I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
