shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
