I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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