She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
