he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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