I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up under a house in Key West
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
