are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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