From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
