Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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