I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize