I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
