HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
