she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
