is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
