her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did i walk over a car last night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
