i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just pynch a tree in the face
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
