I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
