Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
