I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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