Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
