You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
