Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
