you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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