I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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