he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
