i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
