he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
