Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
