I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
