I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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