Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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