Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i love accidental penises.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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