i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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