i think my mom watched the whole time
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize