You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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