that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
