it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
