I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
