I love black thongs
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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