Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
P.S. I can't hear my feet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
