Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
