so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
